A Battle for Meaning

[More homework from the Maudsley... titled: 'The Hidden Parts of Me'. I became a tad carried away and went for a slightly more philosophical approach to the subject].

I am an existentialist

After reading Albert Camus –

Painting the world in hues of blue:

Cobalt, azure, lapis and navy.

Such a palette has saved me.

Awareness and volition,

Have forged an ambition

To take personal responsibility,

And set my soul free

In a world with no meaningful decree

To intrinsically be.

I believe in absurdism;

Life’s multifaceted but conflicting prism.

I search for meaning,

Despite the demeaning

Process

Of searching and discovering

An actual lack of meaning –

For real meaning is found in dreaming,

Not in life.

For life is weaved in saddening strife

For the anorexic.

Rhiannon as she and she alone,

Understands that she obtains a space

Upon a bare bookcase,

With an inherent lack of reason

For her book is blank in contribution.

She accepts this but rebels -

Casts tarot and spells

To witness what life might just have to offer.

Anorexia is a nihilist bother –

Rhiannon’s counteroffer.

I am not a nihilist.

I do not believe it pointless

To strive to construct our own meaning

As a substitute for the nothingness of being.

For seeing life with a poetic mind,

Allows me to creatively construct the unkind

Into a story –

An allegory,

Ready to be interpreted

And understood,

To successfully make good

Meaning in our meaningless world.